THE STROP No. 1
The
Official Broadsheet of rusty
razor
Welcome!
One and all, to the inaugural issue of what is inevitably to be the most vocal
& vital periodical of the 21st Century .We have gathered opinion-meisters
from the three corners of the Isle of Wight: We have abducted and held to
ransom several well-spoken middle-aged society- ladies from Olde Shysestour and
Oswaldtwistle: The Ancient Novocastrian Order of The Vast Mugwump await the new
live video. Ms. Horace Effstoppe, God-babe & Lady Incumbent of Saint
Veronica' s, Nempnett Thrubwell, has propositioned several members of the band
for a naked calendar shoot, 12 noon, on Brean Down, 31st December, 2002, near
the goat sanctuary -chest-wigs and Marrigolds optional. But do bring a cardy!
The gales fair rip through one at this time of year.
Yes, rusty razor has fans aplenty… So we have decided to be very
1930's and start with a newsletter…. Balls to the internet! Why be flash and
try to communicate with 87,792,304 global sad-act train-spotter types who don't
know what day it is, when you can talk to 8.3 perfectly honest and decent
individuals who came to see the band - because they came to see the
band! It's quali.ty that counts, God'elpus!
Incidentally, The
(NEW!) Rusty-Razor Website is under construction and will be available soon.
Adorned, no doubt, with some of Willy's hot 1oco-photos of 'Class 71s' at
Hither Green, and Deltics at Derby And, yes, R-R is working on an arrangement
of Jethro Tull's Locomotive Breath (as heard in the filum,
Mrs.Doubtfire).
The late train for the happy-farm
will be arriving shortly... The seats are snug and very-well padded... Strap
yourselves in... Enjoy the ride.
If
you've experienced a pleasureful time in the company of rusty razor -and your ears have
healed and your hands ceased shaking -we would dearly love to see you again at
one of our gigs. So, please take this newsletter and use it wisely.
If you'd like to be on the quarterly mailing-list,
fill in the tear-off slip and return. (If you bear the postage once, we'll
bear it fourfold. Good deal or good deal?) If you don't want to be on the
mailing list, and indeed never wish to set eyes or ears on us evermore Well! We
really do understand. May Saint Kylie of The Church of The Holey Lycra save
your worthless souls!
FUTURE ISSUES SHALL INCLUDE SUCH WEIGHTY
MATTERS AS:
"An Abstainer's Guide To Single Malt
Whiskies", (Jono):
"German Piano-Accordions, 1939-
1945", (Maura):
"From Wormwood Scrubs to Rusty Razor -A
Survivor's Tale", (Slammer):
"My Farming Past -How I Miss Their
Nuzzling Noses and Their Ickle Soft
Stroke
Them And Cuggle Them And Er ", (Willy):
GENERAL
FACTOTUM! (142 things you never wanted to know...) Nos.
11-19 For those of you interested in the origins of the backdrop -the
design, 'two dogs on a motorbike', was culled in its entirety from a monograph
on The Book ofKells, the Ancient Irish illuminated manuscript. It has
been noted that it bears some resemblance to the mutt in The Simpsons, a.k.a
Santa's Little Helper. The plot thickens! Is Lisa Simpson really Jono's
alter ego, saxophones and all? Is Willy really Barney in Moe's, but without the
talent? Who was that gunman on 'the grassy knoll'?
The Celtic
Knotwork on the border was designed by Willy -and the rest of the band made him
paint it in all-by-himself as a punishment for the unpleasant donkey incident
at the gig in Sidmouth. Colin and Ethel Bray are both muchly recovered.
Slammer
has gone homeopathic ( Oooo-er Missus!) for his elbow problem. We always
suspected this might happen. Three aspirin and a stiff one (i.e. wee dram)
would put him right, but the furry blandishments of Gus The Psychic Healing Cat
were too strong for our boy. He has drifted into the arena of the slightly
dodgy, but at least he can get that nasty chord-change in The Barleycorn, so
perhaps there's something in it after all!
Maura is perfecting a
rendition of 'Jerusalem' on sampled church organ for the beginning of
'Diggers', and huge and mighty it does sound too. Ah, those 40 Hertz
reverberations! The human body falls apart of its own accord when subjected to
continual wavelengths of 9 -11 Hz, so let us pray (literally) that when the
time comes for its first outing live Yes, folks, The Rusty Razor Insurance
Policy will give you peace of mind and pieces of body strewn Enough! Time to
buy a Rolf Harris Stylophone, possibly the most misunderstood
instruments of the 20th Century. Any one out there got one? We'd like to know.
Bill (who guested on Double
Bass through-out the summer) is returning to his vile vermin-ridden
swimming-pool/vineyard/gite. He hates it so much in rural France that we are
sending a ‘slap-man’ (like a hit-man, but far more persuasive in the long term
– and far cheaper!) to make him see sense and give up his idyllic slack-arse
existence and return to the mellowfogs and yellow smogs of Dear Auld
Blighted - & join us as a permanent member.
The
End of Term Report:
Well, boys and girls, it's been a fine and busy year for
Rusty Razor Plenty of gigs, in some of the finest mansions, fields, paddocks,
horseboxes, tents, pubs, village-halls, public parks, private gardens, toilets,
secure units. And we wouldn't have missed one!
Branscombe was, as ever, the definitive beer-fest to
end all fests. Always a high point, playing enthusiastically to an audience of
Real-Musicos & Real-Alers. The Celtic mosh-pit was twelve deep. God bless
your dancey livers! C-U-NXT -YR
Watchett Festival was a killer, playing to our largest audience ever.
The biggest rig we've ever seen outside of Pilton. You could hear us three
miles away. Acoustic or wott! The Ears of the Bleeding! The Small Exploding
Dogs Of The Audience!
The 'Irish Meet' at Wincanton Races in November
was a tub-thumper. It was great to be invited back after last year's bash, and
great to see some of our friends again.
In the Guinness Bar more was drunk than at the main event! It started
looking like a washout, but the clouds cleared and the fat old sun made an
appearance right on cue. Splendid! We were on form in mighty fashion, as was
the audience. Such dancing as this we've never seen before. It all got a wee
bit boisterous.
And so comes another year and another full set
of gigs in the offing! Have a fine Xmas and see yuz all in 2003, at one of
these gigs, perchance? Go gently now!